Friday, October 28, 2005

♥most selfish person♥

i must be the most selfish person on earth.
dada is ill and i actually left him at boon lay
and asked him to take train back home on his own!
i have to admit i'm feeling very sian all day.
got no classes today and i went to school just that i can take a look at him.
i started out fine.
sigh. i don't know..
i think i'm just too clingly.
and i'll resort to any means to try to get things to work out my way.
i hate myself for this.
just now he called me and he said he's very upset that i can actually be so selfish sometimes.
when i have headaches or whatever so,
he would come home with me and even stay over to take good care of me.
and to think that i won't even put my big fat ego down to accompany him
for the short trip home.
he even said that its time that i should reflect upon myself.
i'm always so full of myself.
thinking that he should give in to me all the time.
i just miss having him around.
and i thought by doing all that i might be able to change his decision of going home.
feel so drained and empty.
it must have been the exams and all.
he looks just fine from the outside.
chirpy and all when talking to his friends.
but he said he's just trying to put up a front to make me feel happier.

i am just so so childish and plain silly.
i really don't spare a thought for the people around me?

i think i enjoy self pity very much.
i just love to make other people feel terrible, and tell myself i feel terrible too.
what is going to happen to me and whoever who will be with me if this goes on?

i'm such a stubborn and selfish person.
i think people should just stay away from me.
(look! i'm self pitying again!)
i'm such a failure. (ARGH! again!)
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